Yesterday we got some sad news, one of our friends father died. He had not been well for a long time but even if you know it's coming the pain of losing someone sucks. In fact sucks is too lame a word for it.
2004 was our sucky year. April was the month my mother in law died suddenly, she was 59 and her death was a big shock. By the July we were just getting ourselves back on to our feet and the kids were coming to terms with losing their first grandparent then the bottom fell out of my world. My beloved Dad, my big strong as an ox Dad, my big bear of a Dad, my hero suffered a fatal heart attack. One minute he was there and then he was gone. Even now I can remember the searing pain of being told he was dead. It has taken me a long time to get to a point of accepting the fact that I will never see him again. Now I can look at photos of him and smile at the memories each photo brings but it's been a long journey. One that truthfully I'm still on, maybe it's one that I will always be on but hopefully there will be less obstacles on my way. My beautiful small people have had a lot deal with so early on in their lives. They were especially close to my Dad and I did spend time worrying about them forgetting him but I need not of worried. Even though wee one was only just coming up to her 4th birthday when he died and big one 9 the bond they had formed with him has been on going and his memory lives on in them.
I miss so many things like being able to pick up the phone and ask for his advice (I know he could have given me so much advice about my getting chickens as he used to keep them), making cakes and knowing that they would all be gone in quick time with him about, knowing that no matter how crazy my mother was driving us both we both knew we only had to look at each other for someone to understand. So many reasons to miss him but I am always grateful that he was my Dad.
Phew if you got to the end of that well done. I didn't realise how much I was holding that in. Apparently keeping things in is a trait I inherited from my Dad or so my fiery mother and brother tell me :D