Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Things that make you go back

Yesterday we got some sad news, one of our friends father died. He had not been well for a long time but even if you know it's coming the pain of losing someone sucks. In fact sucks is too lame a word for it.
2004 was our sucky year. April was the month my mother in law died suddenly, she was 59 and her death was a big shock. By the July we were just getting ourselves back on to our feet and the kids were coming to terms with losing their first grandparent then the bottom fell out of my world. My beloved Dad, my big strong as an ox Dad, my big bear of a Dad, my hero suffered a fatal heart attack. One minute he was there and then he was gone. Even now I can remember the searing pain of being told he was dead. It has taken me a long time to get to a point of accepting the fact that I will never see him again. Now I can look at photos of him and smile at the memories each photo brings but it's been a long journey. One that truthfully I'm still on, maybe it's one that I will always be on but hopefully there will be less obstacles on my way. My beautiful small people have had a lot deal with so early on in their lives. They were especially close to my Dad and I did spend time worrying about them forgetting him but I need not of worried. Even though wee one was only just coming up to her 4th birthday when he died and big one 9 the bond they had formed with him has been on going and his memory lives on in them.
I miss so many things like being able to pick up the phone and ask for his advice (I know he could have given me so much advice about my getting chickens as he used to keep them), making cakes and knowing that they would all be gone in quick time with him about, knowing that no matter how crazy my mother was driving us both we both knew we only had to look at each other for someone to understand. So many reasons to miss him but I am always grateful that he was my Dad.

Phew if you got to the end of that well done. I didn't realise how much I was holding that in. Apparently keeping things in is a trait I inherited from my Dad or so my fiery mother and brother tell me :D


Shabby Chick said...

Big ((((((((hugs)))))))))) your post has brought tears to my eyes, I hope your friend is being kind to his or herself and allowing themselves time to grieve (does that ever stop?).

I know just how you feel, I too lost my Dad to an unexpected heart attack, his was in April last year and I had thought he'd live forever. We were so close and he adored his grandchildren, I miss him every day. I know just how you feel about wanting to pick up the phone, there are so many times I want to tell Dad something or ask his advice. I was so scared of forgetting his voice and his face but they haven't gone and I see him a lot in my dreams.

It must be so lovely that your children remember your wonderful Dad. I'm sure they will always talk about him and think of him.

Oh dear, I'd better stop babbling, your post has made me cry! Take care, Mel xxx

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Oh dear, sad news indeed. Big hugs to you both... You are very lucky to have had such a loving relationship with your dad.
My dad is still here and I do love him but as children we were always told to "not bother your father" so I don't think we ever built a close relationship....Perhaps he had to work a lot of hours, or perhaps because he was 45 when I was born he wasn't that way inclined. I have 3 older brothers and we are not at all close... I think we were all brought up to be so independant that we hardly ever talk. My dad will be 83 and the reason we moved back to somerset, he had a close shave 3 and a half years ago, I was pregnant and living in High Wycombe and I realised however I feel he is the only dad I have and I should spend more time with him, but it is difficult.
Oh I am so depressing! Now you have got me started!
Shall I delete this ?
I shall let you decide, X Alex

twiggypeasticks said...

Big hugs to you and your friend. My Dad died 6 years ago and I still think about him everyday, he was great. My biggest regret is that he never got to meet Twiglet
:( Blimeey group hug time!
Twiggy x


Yet again, teary moment! I lost my Mum in 2004 - its a long, long journey, I think we will always be on that journey, hopefully it will get less hard work as the years go by.
But at least we had them, and knew them, and they brought sunshine into our lives!
x Vicky x

Shabby Chick said...

Hugs to everyone else too!!! Just wanted to add that we wouldn't miss them so much if they hadn't been amazing people, so I doubt any of us would trade the sadness we have now for the happiness they brought us over a whole lifetime xxxxxxx

The Devil Makes Work said...

Hello Sweetie,

So sorry to hear your news. My heart is with you. I know everyone feels grief differently but I think I can understand some of how you feel.

Big hug and know that people are thinking of you.

Much love,


Taz said...

Oh wow thank you all so much for your lovely and loving comments. I am definately up for that (((big group hug)))

((SC)) yes the dreams are wonderful aren't they? I remember having an extremely vivid one not long after my Dad died and although I awoke in tears it felt like I had had a chance to hold him that one last time. And you're right I wouldn't trade the tears for all the wonderful years I did have.

((Alex)) Don't you dare delete your post. I appreciate you sharing with me and I can understand only to well, my relationship with my mother is not the one that I hope will continue with my girls but that sense of duty does kick in.

((twiggy)) Although your Dad never got to meet the twiglet in the here and now I know that twiglet has the most amazing guardian angel and a very very proud grandpa.

((Vicky)) Yes I love the imagery of them bringing sunshine to our lives.

((Woo)) I know you understand only too well the pain. Thank you and please know that my hand and shoulder are always here for you too.