Wednesday, 4 March 2009

So you think you had a bad day at work?

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Cheryl,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony
I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my bum. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing
hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the
chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse. Now
repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish Bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day


Menopausal musing said...

I had a good day (as things go), I came home,had 3 (yes!3!) glasses of wine and read your post. My shoulders are shaking with laughter. .. someone who can write without mentioning Cath Kidston and make me laugh!. Yay! x

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Your poor hubby, I will definately think of jellyfish when I am having a bad day....
thanks for sharing the laughter, just what I needed

X Alex

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

Don't know what all the fuss is about - sounds just like pregnancy piles to me

Shabby Chick said...

Ha ha ha ha hahahahahahaaaaa I needed that!!!!!!

Mel xxx

JuliaB said...

eow! my cheeks are clenched and my eyes are watering!!!! x hmm.. word verification is anesturn....

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

(Unrelated comment but you have "no reply" set as your email)

You want buttons?

Menopausal musing said...

Northener has a sore bottom. He goes to local shop and asks"Does tha keep arse cream?".
Shopkeeper replies"Aye, we do, does't tha want Magnum or Cornetto?"

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

I've not had buttons from that particular seller (I think I've had embellishments from there)
I frequently buy from Hong Kong and have never yet had any problem from them - in fact, sometimes the stuff arrives faster than UK sellers.
Risk it for a biscuit!

Lydia said...

Hello Taz -
What a funny post - will take it to work & share... Thankyou for your support & congratulations. Looking forward to getting to know you!

Love Lx

bekimarie said...

Hi Honey,

Of all the lovely comments i've been left, your's made me cry the most.
I've been really surprised at how many lovely bloggy ladies have Angel babies but to find someone else who also has two has deeply saddened me.
If you ever want to talk or share their birthdays with me, please feel free to email me.
Actually, can you email me anyway, the lovely Mary Poppins sent me a beautiful poem that i'd like to share with you.
Have a good weekend.
Big hugs
Beki xxx

Jude said...

Hello, and thanks for that, we've just been laughing somuch we ended up crying.
Look forward to reading more.
Take care